Happy Anniversary to me.

Today we would have been married for 15 years.

 

The picture is all pixelated and blurry...I don't have the original on my computer.  But this was our first dance on our wedding day.  

Here's  a candid shot of him sitting at the head table.  

Again it's sort of pixelated but he was so damned handsome.  You can't tell from this pic but he had the biggest blue eyes I'd ever seen. 

It was such a great day.  

Sure I have some regrets but none of them are about him.  Things that seemed so important and earth shattering then come to be trivial in hindsight.  So much time wasted on stressing out over drama and stupid things.

But still...I never once thought I'd made a mistake in marrying David O'Farrell.  He was everything to me.  Yeah we were fucked up, immature, and prone to making bad decisions but we loved each other so damned much.  

He was my best friend.

I would marry that man every day all over again even knowing everything we went through together.  

We should have had a chance to grow up and grow old together.

It's hard living without him.  Nothing seems to make sense when it feels like half of me is missing.  

But I'm still here...still kicking...still laughing...still loving my friends and family...and I'm still loved.

Times are tough right now with all my medication changes.  Right now I'm really struggling and really missing those big shoulders of his.  At times like these, he used to look at me, smile, and say, "you know what the best thing about hugs is?  I can always make more!"

Not everyone gets a soulmate.  I had one and I will love him forever.

Happy Anniversary Babe.  

Miss you so much.