Hot sauce malfunction, potato salad, and meeting The Bloggess

A few minutes ago I was literally holding cold potato salad to my lips in order to ease the chemical burn I just gave myself from putting too much hot sauce in my lunch wrap.  Seriously, my lips are red and swollen. 

Most people would drink milk, water, or hold a cool wet towel over their lips but no...my big idea was to smear cold potato salad on my face. 

There are no pictures of this but I did feel one of my cats judging me.

So what else is new?

Well, I TOTALLY MET JENNY LAWSON ( THE BLOGGESS ) Tuesday night !!!  She came to Toronto on her book signing tour.  If you don't know her yet, check her out!

 

This is everyone holding up their copies of The Bloggess' book for a picture.  

 

That awkward moment when I start to walk away before having a proper picture taken.  It seems to be a theme with me.

 

 Me and The Bloggess!

She was awesome.  She did a bit of an interview, did a reading from her book, and then answered a few questions from the audience.  I'm amazed at how gracious she is to everyone wanting their couple of minutes to say hi to her while they get their books signed.

I asked her to sign my book with "NECROPHILIA IS BAD!"   You'd have to read her book to understand why...I won't spoil it for you.

Her struggles with depression and anxiety and the humour with which she shares her experiences make her somewhat of a hero for me.  It was wonderful to meet her.  

AND SHE TOTALLY TOLD ME I HAVE AMAZING HAIR!!!  (Although you wouldn't know it because I look really shitty in these pics.)  Actually before the bloggess showed up, a total stranger came up to me in line to tell me I have amazing hair.  I tell ya, it's going to be tough to go back to a regular colour now.  LOL

Anyhow, we showed up a bit late and didn't get seats so we ended up standing for an hour before she showed up and then standing for another couple of hours during it all but it was totally worth it.  I had fun.  

And then we went to Zorba's on the Danforth for Greek food!  NOM!  I had to smile though.  I was in A LOT of pain from standing for so long so I was shuffling down the Danforth at a pathetic pace trying to keep up with Dave and Sheila on our way back to the car and I got ogled by some middle aged Greek men sitting at an outdoor patio.  One of them smiled and said, "well, hellO".  Hah!  

You take what you can get, right?  LOL

Oh I've probably got so much more I could say but the words aren't coming.  I'm out of practice.  I know I've got lots of photos I'd love to post as well.    

The next entry will be "what I've done this summer...in pictures".  

 

 

 

turkeys iz dangerous

Don't ask me why but I grow positively giddy at the sight of wild turkeys.

I find them hilarious. 

Maybe it's the "gobble gobble".

Maybe it's how insanely serious turkey hunters are with their head to toe camo outfits and accessories. Yeah I know wild turkeys have extremely good hearing and sight and are actually quite hard to hunt.  BUT DAMMIT, IT'S A FRIKKEN TURKEY!!!

Mabye it's because I once saw a show where a man of questionable intelligence went turkey poaching and threw a turkey in his trunk along with his UN-safetied rifle.  The turkey wasn't dead, flapped around, and ended up shooting the guy.  On the show the guy adamantly declared that, "TURKEYS IZ DANGEROUS!"

Whatever the reason, wild turkeys fill me with glee.

And so today when we were out and about visiting Lakefield, imagine my excitement when Sheila spotted a veritable horde of wild turkeys!

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THEM!!!!!!!!

We also stopped to take pictures of a lake covered in mist.  It was beautiful in a melancholy sort of way.

Here's Dave T taking a picture of the misty lake.

Here's Dave T taking a picture of Sheila at the misty lake.

Here's Dave T taking a picture of me while I take a picture of him...at the misty lake.

I would just like to point out for the record that Dave T does, in fact, have feet.    I know it looks like he doesn't but they are there...trust me.

Anyhow, Lakefield was pretty and I got a free Guinness cupcake because of St.Patty's Day.  I really should have taken a picture of it but I was hungry and it was gone in about 30 seconds.

It was a quiet St.Patty's Day but I really enjoyed it.

Game of Thrones, Bunny Suits, and Cookies

Do you like Game of Thrones?  I do.  So my friends and I decided to head into the big city to the TIFF Bell Lightbox venue to see the Game of Thrones exhibit. 

The exhibit was smaller than I thought and I'm telling you...the women on that show really neat to eat a sandwich.  The women's costumes were alarmingly small.  I have to admit though, they were beautiful.

And then we waited in line for about 1/2 an hour for a chance to get our pictures taken as we sat on the mighty throne.  IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!

I had all these serious looking sultry faces planned when it was my turn.  I was going to toss my fiery locks and stare that camera down.

Yeah.
Not so much.

Here's my serious face.

And here's me walking away while everyone shouted, "WAIT!!!!!!!!  THERE'S ONE PICTURE LEFT!!!!"

Hahahaaa!
I'm grabbing my ass and looking strange.
Perfect.

You should have seen everyone's panicked expressions and outstretched arms telling me to stay put.  It was hilarious, surprising, and embarrassing at the same time.  I actually had a physical reaction to it and went completely weak for a second.  I thought I was going to fall down.  

It was awesome.

One of the guys doing the pictures said it was his favourite picture of the day.  Hahaha.

There was another free exhibit at TIFF about Canadian costumes in movies which was really interesting to see.

Dave T even got a picture of me standing in front of the bunny costumes for the movie Hank & Mike before security told us photos weren't allowed.  Seriously...I love the movie Hank & Mike.  It's hilarious.

STEAK AND FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Watch the movie and you'll understand.

And because no day is complete without some sort of cookie, I give you the Elephant's Ear cookie which I did not actually buy but which I took a picture of because I love cookies and I love elephants.  That seemed like a good enough reason to me.

Really fun day.

Today's Adventure and Fortune Cookies

+

 

=

In other words, we went to a Chinese/Italian restaurant called Hanson's   in the middle of nowhere tonight after going to see the Princess Margaret Lottery house.  

It was ok but had a serious case of split personality.  Not only did it serve Chinese and Italian food but half the restaurant was decorated in country florals and the other half was a formal dining space with white table linens and a fireplace.

Bizarre.

Fun night.

Plus who doesn't love fortune cookies?  If you don't find them just a little bit fun you might not have a soul...just sayin'...

F U! I am NOT particular!!! And then an old lady grabbed my hair.

So as we know, I can be a little particular.

*shudder*

I hate that word.  Someone broke up with me once and said it was because I was particular.  Now that word carries a sort of revulsion to it.

Usually my inner child immediately retorts "FUCK YOU!  I AM NOT PARTICULAR!!!" inside my head and then I remember things like how I need all my discarded/used cutlery to point in the same direction or I get angsty.

Ok, I AM particular.  And my inner child has a potty mouth.

Where am I going with this?

Well at the last minute today I got invited to tag along to go to the flea market only I hadn't showered yet.

I NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE without showering and doing my makeup.  It's one of my particular-isms.  But today I got a little crazy adventurous and decided to brave the flea market unwashed and unashamed.

I didn't even brush my hair.

Well, if you know my hair at all, you know I can't brush it anyway.  Brushing long thick curlyish hair makes you look like a doofus...trust me.  So instead I brushed my teeth splashed my face, put some make up on and ran my fingers through my hair to get out the knots.

Oh I put clothes on for those of you wondering.  Just thought I'd clear that up.

Anyhow, off to the flea market we went...as we got closer I noticed that we were going to arrive almost at closing time.  Another particular part of me has a hard time coping with things like this.  I was practically rocking in the backseat with anxiety as we got closer.  In my head was a stream of, "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD LET IT CLOSE AT 5, OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!!!!!!!" mixed in with the song "no more monkeys jumping on the bed".  Hey, even I don't know where that one came from, don't ask...

Luckily the flea market closed later than we thought so we had time to walk around.  I tried a homemade pierogie...it was awesome.  We looked at lots of junk...that in it's own way was also awesome.

But when we got to the second building of the flea market I was walking along and all of the sudden this odd old lady with a leathery face wanders up to me and gasps, "oh your hair is so beautiful I just want to grab it!  The colour is so beautiful!!!"

She wasn't all talk.  She grabbed my hair!  LOL  It was funny though because she sort of realized she'd just grabbed some stranger's hair and let go very quickly but still made pawing sort of motions at my head after.

It's nice to know that even 2 months after dying it, with it unwashed and unbrushed, it still looks ok enough for an odd flea market old lady to grab it.

Although I have to say I was in a store yesterday and the male cashier who seemed to be gay, (not that there's anything wrong with that/Seinfeldism), gave me my receipt and said, "Here you go sweetness, love your hair!!!!".

Ok, so my hair still impresses strange old flea market ladies and young good looking possibly gay guys.

I don't know what to make of this.

Updated:  Upon thinking about it, I would take compliments from a guy I would never have a chance with because I'm the wrong gender over a strange old flea market lady grabbing my hair ANY day of the week.

That is all.

Kensington Market and a Fetus Named Steve

Today we all piled in the car to head in to Kensington market so Dave T could drop off art to fill up his booth at the Blue Banana.

You know how you play pinch/punch buggy whenever you see a volkswagen beetle?  Well we play it when you see a Yaris.  Except for me it tends to be a spectator sport.  I sit in the backseat and watch as Dave and Sheila try to punch each other whenever they see a Yaris.

Really.  It sounds a lot more fun that I'm making it sound.  Trust me.

So as we get fairly close to Kensington market, Sheila yells out "YARIS!" and punches Dave T.  (Ok so it's more like a bump but that sounds way less dramatic.)

Dave T complains (bitterly) that it wasn't a Yaris and Sheila reasons out that it was, in fact, an Echo which is the precursor to the Yaris anyways so it should really count.

I'm totally on her side.

Dave T kind of makes a few incoherent noises, twitches a little, and then says something to the effect of, "I just had a million things go through my head at exactly the same time and it all ended with the words A FETUS NAMED STEVE!"

You just can't make this stuff up I tell ya.

This of course was followed by a lot of laughter and a series of rapid fire comments of which I can only remember Sheila yelling out, "LARVAL STEVE!!!"

Now Steve, I don't know who you are but your fate is completely intertwined with Toyota.  You will be the precursor to a new line of hot hatchbacks with even more EPIC RELIABILITY.  Pretty soon when people hear the name Steve they'll punch their friends and won't know why.

Steve, fetus or larval....you are the future.

Apart from Steve, we also checked out our favourite shops and even a new one that had all sorts of nifty (expensive) kitchen stuff and lots of books.  I even managed to find some cheap cookie cutters there.

I know Steve is only a fetus but even he could appreciate my new skull and crossbones cookie cutter!

Family Day at Pacific Mall

So today was Family Day, a stat holiday when everything is closed.  Everything except the amazing, always interesting, Pacific Mall in Markham!

It's been ages since we went so my housemates and I piled into cars with a friend and hit the open road....along with everyone else.

Yeah.  I don't do so well with crowds.

I'd like to know why I always forget this fact when we decide to go there.  The lure of amazing Asian food  (bbq duck on rice...OMG) and the promise of all sorts of glitz, electronics, and unknown dried things in bins always makes me forget how crowded that place can be.

Oh and speaking of crowds, we went on a day where it was the only thing open so every freaking person for miles around went there too!

Parking requires strategy and a fair amount of luck.  Sheila told me to start visualizing probably when we were still around 40 minutes away.  I think way to many people were visualizing at the same time, thus overloading the parking God in the sky because it looked like all hope was lost.  As soon as I got kicked out of the car to meet our friends inside, she immediately found a space.

Hmmm...Parking God you are a fickle and mysterious God.

The Pacific Mall ritual:

1.  pray for parking

2.  if prayers go unanswered drive around giving the stink eye to anyone verging on your territory

3.  find a spot and breathe a sigh of relief

4.  head straight for the food court with the bbq duck

5.  repeat the parking procedure only with finding a table at the food court in mind

6.  install someone at the table to be on guard while others procure food...again, liberal use of stink eye and maybe a growl or two to ward off the masses might be necessary

7.  eat and forget for awhile that you are surrounded by screaming children, strategically placed slop buckets for the noodle soups, and an impossible amount of people waiting to pounce on any empty tables.

8.  make ready to leave your table and ignore the person who practically sits in your lap to claim your table before you've even fully left it.  After all, that's how it's done.

9.  begin walking the mall in post food bliss

10.  begin fending off the people that step in front of you, bump into you, or suddenly stop in front of you for no good reason

11.  attempt to go into one of the cute little stores only to find yourself cornered in a section with stuffed Totoro's and some kind of plastic doo-hickey that you have no clue what it's purpose is...

12.  fight your way out of the store...find a couple of square feet with no people in it and breathe

13.  repeat the last 2 steps until you can't bear the thought of fighting off anymore people

14.  go home tired, needing to pee, and thinking of that awesome duck

15.  completely forget all of the aforementioned steps until the last one and wonder when you'll get the chance to go back

So anyways, in a store we love to go into called One's, I bought a few baking related things 'cause they were cheap and I have poor impulse control.  I bought a mini-star shaped cake pan, a mini loaf cake pan, and a set of circle cookie cutters.  Believe it or not, I only have one circle cookie cutter and it's rather large so when I saw the smaller sizes I grabbed it.  Only when I got home, I sort of noticed something that made me chuckle on the cookie cutter package.

YES I KNOW.  I AM HORRIBLY IMMATURE AND IT ALWAYS GOES BACK TO POOP.

Plus I am easily amused.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm duck.