So wrong...but so funny...

 

BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

ummmmmmm

So I was perusing one of my favourite sites and I come across this...

I know I turn 40 on Sunday but WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Funny fact:  I walk through a graveyard almost every day.

Also, bacon.

For posterity

This is the biggest green pepper I have ever seen.

It's not merely tall.  It's wide as well.

Can you imagine if peppers had Olympic Games?  The doping committee would be all over this pepper's ass.  There would be allegations that it's Miracle Grow was laced with illicit substances and the tabloids would go wild.

There were even two baby peppers growing inside it when I ruthlessly chopped it open but I'll spare you the sight...

Maybe this pepper was a mole on the jolly green giant?

Think about it...

taxidermied squirrels playing cards

Busy day tomorrow.  I'm not really looking forward to it.

I've got my monthly weigh in at the Metabolic clinic to see if I've lost any weight.  I've been steadily losing a tiny bit each month except for the last weigh in where I gained 0.3lbs.  I don't think I did so well this month either. 

Sigh.

Sometimes there are just too many cookies, yanno?

Got some therapy tomorrow too.  It seemed like a good idea at the time to schedule it but now...I dunno.

But hey I get to show off my screamin' red hair.  I re-dyed it today to combat fading and root growth.  I think it turned out even brighter red this time than the last time.  It goes from screamin' red and darkens the further down it goes.  Kinda neat.

Meh.  I'm kinda boring tonight, I know.

I feel weird.

I AM weird.

Did you know if you do a google image search for weird the very first image is taxidermied squirrels playing cards??  I shit you not. 

Here it is:

Could have been worse....

F U! I am NOT particular!!! And then an old lady grabbed my hair.

So as we know, I can be a little particular.

*shudder*

I hate that word.  Someone broke up with me once and said it was because I was particular.  Now that word carries a sort of revulsion to it.

Usually my inner child immediately retorts "FUCK YOU!  I AM NOT PARTICULAR!!!" inside my head and then I remember things like how I need all my discarded/used cutlery to point in the same direction or I get angsty.

Ok, I AM particular.  And my inner child has a potty mouth.

Where am I going with this?

Well at the last minute today I got invited to tag along to go to the flea market only I hadn't showered yet.

I NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE without showering and doing my makeup.  It's one of my particular-isms.  But today I got a little crazy adventurous and decided to brave the flea market unwashed and unashamed.

I didn't even brush my hair.

Well, if you know my hair at all, you know I can't brush it anyway.  Brushing long thick curlyish hair makes you look like a doofus...trust me.  So instead I brushed my teeth splashed my face, put some make up on and ran my fingers through my hair to get out the knots.

Oh I put clothes on for those of you wondering.  Just thought I'd clear that up.

Anyhow, off to the flea market we went...as we got closer I noticed that we were going to arrive almost at closing time.  Another particular part of me has a hard time coping with things like this.  I was practically rocking in the backseat with anxiety as we got closer.  In my head was a stream of, "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD LET IT CLOSE AT 5, OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!!!!!!!" mixed in with the song "no more monkeys jumping on the bed".  Hey, even I don't know where that one came from, don't ask...

Luckily the flea market closed later than we thought so we had time to walk around.  I tried a homemade pierogie...it was awesome.  We looked at lots of junk...that in it's own way was also awesome.

But when we got to the second building of the flea market I was walking along and all of the sudden this odd old lady with a leathery face wanders up to me and gasps, "oh your hair is so beautiful I just want to grab it!  The colour is so beautiful!!!"

She wasn't all talk.  She grabbed my hair!  LOL  It was funny though because she sort of realized she'd just grabbed some stranger's hair and let go very quickly but still made pawing sort of motions at my head after.

It's nice to know that even 2 months after dying it, with it unwashed and unbrushed, it still looks ok enough for an odd flea market old lady to grab it.

Although I have to say I was in a store yesterday and the male cashier who seemed to be gay, (not that there's anything wrong with that/Seinfeldism), gave me my receipt and said, "Here you go sweetness, love your hair!!!!".

Ok, so my hair still impresses strange old flea market ladies and young good looking possibly gay guys.

I don't know what to make of this.

Updated:  Upon thinking about it, I would take compliments from a guy I would never have a chance with because I'm the wrong gender over a strange old flea market lady grabbing my hair ANY day of the week.

That is all.

drunk monkeys

Frikken monkey alcoholics, man.

Drunk Monkeys

It ain't right but I laughed.

I admit it.

I need this cookie cutter.

And possibly these ones.

They might complete me.

So no baking today.  I finally cleaned  the last bits of the most recent baking exploits.   I KNOW!  I left the pans for way too long...don't judge me! 

 Instead today I went to the doctor to get my ears checked.  I had a bilateral ear infection (that means both ears but bilateral makes me sound smarter) that was antibiotic resistant and lasted for 3 EFFING MONTHS last summer.  So  now whenever my ears hurt, I get them checked out.

No infection today but the right ear is definitely inflamed.  Also my eustachian tubes are full of fluid and not draining.  I think it's the  universe telling me I need an octopus cookie cutter.

My ears frikken  hurt but apparently it's because I'm allergic to everything and not because they're actually infected.

Can you bake in a bubble?

I bet an octopus could.  With 8 legs I bet those mofos can multitask.

Does watching T.V and surfing Lamebook count as multitasking?

Yeah.

My life is a glamourous one.

Kensington Market and a Fetus Named Steve

Today we all piled in the car to head in to Kensington market so Dave T could drop off art to fill up his booth at the Blue Banana.

You know how you play pinch/punch buggy whenever you see a volkswagen beetle?  Well we play it when you see a Yaris.  Except for me it tends to be a spectator sport.  I sit in the backseat and watch as Dave and Sheila try to punch each other whenever they see a Yaris.

Really.  It sounds a lot more fun that I'm making it sound.  Trust me.

So as we get fairly close to Kensington market, Sheila yells out "YARIS!" and punches Dave T.  (Ok so it's more like a bump but that sounds way less dramatic.)

Dave T complains (bitterly) that it wasn't a Yaris and Sheila reasons out that it was, in fact, an Echo which is the precursor to the Yaris anyways so it should really count.

I'm totally on her side.

Dave T kind of makes a few incoherent noises, twitches a little, and then says something to the effect of, "I just had a million things go through my head at exactly the same time and it all ended with the words A FETUS NAMED STEVE!"

You just can't make this stuff up I tell ya.

This of course was followed by a lot of laughter and a series of rapid fire comments of which I can only remember Sheila yelling out, "LARVAL STEVE!!!"

Now Steve, I don't know who you are but your fate is completely intertwined with Toyota.  You will be the precursor to a new line of hot hatchbacks with even more EPIC RELIABILITY.  Pretty soon when people hear the name Steve they'll punch their friends and won't know why.

Steve, fetus or larval....you are the future.

Apart from Steve, we also checked out our favourite shops and even a new one that had all sorts of nifty (expensive) kitchen stuff and lots of books.  I even managed to find some cheap cookie cutters there.

I know Steve is only a fetus but even he could appreciate my new skull and crossbones cookie cutter!