F U! I am NOT particular!!! And then an old lady grabbed my hair.

So as we know, I can be a little particular.

*shudder*

I hate that word.  Someone broke up with me once and said it was because I was particular.  Now that word carries a sort of revulsion to it.

Usually my inner child immediately retorts "FUCK YOU!  I AM NOT PARTICULAR!!!" inside my head and then I remember things like how I need all my discarded/used cutlery to point in the same direction or I get angsty.

Ok, I AM particular.  And my inner child has a potty mouth.

Where am I going with this?

Well at the last minute today I got invited to tag along to go to the flea market only I hadn't showered yet.

I NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE without showering and doing my makeup.  It's one of my particular-isms.  But today I got a little crazy adventurous and decided to brave the flea market unwashed and unashamed.

I didn't even brush my hair.

Well, if you know my hair at all, you know I can't brush it anyway.  Brushing long thick curlyish hair makes you look like a doofus...trust me.  So instead I brushed my teeth splashed my face, put some make up on and ran my fingers through my hair to get out the knots.

Oh I put clothes on for those of you wondering.  Just thought I'd clear that up.

Anyhow, off to the flea market we went...as we got closer I noticed that we were going to arrive almost at closing time.  Another particular part of me has a hard time coping with things like this.  I was practically rocking in the backseat with anxiety as we got closer.  In my head was a stream of, "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD LET IT CLOSE AT 5, OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!!!!!!!" mixed in with the song "no more monkeys jumping on the bed".  Hey, even I don't know where that one came from, don't ask...

Luckily the flea market closed later than we thought so we had time to walk around.  I tried a homemade pierogie...it was awesome.  We looked at lots of junk...that in it's own way was also awesome.

But when we got to the second building of the flea market I was walking along and all of the sudden this odd old lady with a leathery face wanders up to me and gasps, "oh your hair is so beautiful I just want to grab it!  The colour is so beautiful!!!"

She wasn't all talk.  She grabbed my hair!  LOL  It was funny though because she sort of realized she'd just grabbed some stranger's hair and let go very quickly but still made pawing sort of motions at my head after.

It's nice to know that even 2 months after dying it, with it unwashed and unbrushed, it still looks ok enough for an odd flea market old lady to grab it.

Although I have to say I was in a store yesterday and the male cashier who seemed to be gay, (not that there's anything wrong with that/Seinfeldism), gave me my receipt and said, "Here you go sweetness, love your hair!!!!".

Ok, so my hair still impresses strange old flea market ladies and young good looking possibly gay guys.

I don't know what to make of this.

Updated:  Upon thinking about it, I would take compliments from a guy I would never have a chance with because I'm the wrong gender over a strange old flea market lady grabbing my hair ANY day of the week.

That is all.

Random photos...old and new

I don't have much to say tonight so instead I'm putting up some random pictures that I like.

Me and my sister Robin at Toronto Zoo

This picture was taken by my late husband Dave.  I have no idea if it's spring or fall.  I really can't remember.  It was within a year of us moving to Whitby.  That was an awesome day at the zoo and a great visit with my sister.

~*~

My late husband Dave and our dog Doonie who died of cancer the year before he did.

This was taken back in our house in Nepean.  What a handsome man he was.  Damn I hung those pictures way too high.    Now that I've got access to all my old pictures again I can't help but feel a little (a lot) sentimental as I look through them.  There's so much I would have done differently if I had known then what I know now.  God I miss him so much.

~*~

New Easter Cookie Cutters!

Check it out!  New easter cookie cutters!!!  Ok, admittedly I'm a little addicted to cookie cutters at the moment but, hey, it's cheaper than crack so don't judge me.  Plus they're purdy colours!

Who wants Easter cookies???

~*~

My Nails!

CHECK IT OUT BITCHEZ!!!!  These are my nails and had to be recorded for posterity.  My nails NEVER look this good.   Hey, ya gotta appreciate the little things in life, yanno?

OMG I just noticed something smudged into a cuticle and I'm too damn lazy to photoshop it out.  

Must.  Not.  Fixate.

Well there ya have it.  These are the photos that were on my mind today.

Memories of my old life

Yay!  I finally got my peripheral drive working again.  Now I have access to all my old pictures and I even found a short video of Dave trying out our new camera waaaay back when.

I must have watched this about 20 times in a row.

It was taken just before we moved to Whitby.

I also found a picture of the garden I made.  When we moved to our first house (across the lawn from the house I grew up in), the yard was nothing but a gigantic overgrown cedar hedge and some sketchy grass.   We took out the hedge, and built the fence together.  Then, over the summer while he was at work, I dug out the patio area, laid 2 types of gravel, built u the garden beds and planted the garden myself.

I had it so good and didn't even realize it.

All I kept thinking of was how the house could be bigger, the yard could be bigger....shit like that.  I really didn't appreciate what I had.  I had the love of my life, a house, a garden I made myself, my sister next door, and lots of wonderful pets.

I feel like we were still kids and had so much growing up to do.  I only wish we could have done it together.

Hindsight is cruel bitch.

I totally need to bake something.

drunk monkeys

Frikken monkey alcoholics, man.

Drunk Monkeys

It ain't right but I laughed.

I admit it.

And then it dawned on me...

...why I had a rough day yesterday.

The day before yesterday I mentioned in passing that technically I'm single.  I HAD  NEVER, EVER SAID THAT BEFORE.

Just over 2 years after his death and I have in some small way begun to accept it.  It was a milestone moment for me that I really did not enjoy.  Instead of seeing it as part of the process of grieving my mind immediately went here...

Ok, all sarcasm aside, admitting that to myself and saying it out loud really did hurt.

He's dead.  He's not coming back.  I am single.

And so I was uber sad and panicky with fits of weeping yesterday.  I hurt from head to toe and had trouble going outside.  But you know what?  I got through it.  I did go out to one of my appointments and I did NOT drug myself up and sleep it off which is what I have done for the past 2 years.

I practised some of the DBT skills ( Dialectical Behaviour Therapy ) I've been learning in therapy over the last several months and I got through it.

I don't have to like it, especially because I still feel married and I do not want anyone else, but I guess I'm going to have to eventually accept that he is really gone.

Yesterday a part of me reached some level of acceptance.

Progress fucking sucks.